The last two weeks of my time in Ireland filled me with a combination of excitement for going home, anticipation of the upcoming exams and a sobering knowledge that I would have to leave Ballymaloe. Whether life presents a difficult challenge or the biggest adventure of your life, time never stands still, and my three months here in Ireland are no exception. These months, at this time of my life, presented me with more adventure and emotion than I could have ever anticipated. I am grateful for every bit of it, even though some of those bits were not so easy to chew and swallow. Yes, I’m talking about some messy stuff, the kind of feelings that aren’t so fun to tackle…like re-establishing one’s purpose at the mid point of life. Books have been written about this, and a multitude of different remedies attempted to make this segment of life a bit smoother to navigate. All in all, traversing the midlife phase is a journey we all make; a right of passage, so to speak. But unlike turning twenty one, it’s not perceived by the masses to be as “fun”. Yes, I am well familiar with sayings like “happiness is a decision”, “life is what you make of it”, “age is just a number”, “life begins at 40, 50, or 60” and all the other uplifting slogans out there, and there’s a lot of truth in them. At the end of the day, saying it and really getting it are two totally different things. And the onset of every decade (and to be honest, every day) greets each of us with a new opportunity to sharpen our focus and redefine our course.
For me, turning 50 and becoming a brand new empty nester have catapulted me into a whole new and unexplored territory, and has left my head spinning with a flurry of “what’s next?” type ponderings. I’m not thinking for a split second that I have any answers – and in addition to solidifying my certainty that I am happier in a kitchen than anywhere else, I have learned a few things…
I enjoy writing! I am undisputedly pretty darn technologically challenged. I would say inept, but I am trying to practice kindness toward self! Writing has always been something that I felt I have to really work at. I love to talk, and I am always amazed at how different it is to coherently string my words together in a written sentence! Several thoughtful family members and friends have reached out to me, to let me know that my blog has been a joyful segment of their day. This is an enormous compliment, especially since I really didn’t know if anyone was reading it at all! This gives me a jolt of encouragement of possibly continuing the blog, only with recipes, tips and general stories of kitchen misadventures. I am trying to teach myself, rather unsuccessfully at this point, to allow commentary on the blog. (If anyone is a “Squarespace” wonder, please let me know, as I am stumped!) Stay tuned, I’ll keep you posted. (ok, please forgive the pun….)
There is a time and a place for elastic pants, compression socks, and clogs. COMFORT! These are (now) my favorite things!!! Seriously, there really IS always a place for elastic pants, compression socks, and clogs; so much so, that I will say it twice! I think that the nurses in my family would readily agree?
Learning happens on the edge. Whether you’re five or fifty, this is God’s honest truth. But when you’re five, you can stomp your feet, cry and shout, and most people would just say, “Well, she’s only five.” Learning when you are pushed to a point beyond what you thought you could handle, while remembering to act like a mature adult, require a bit more composure. Sometimes that’s not so easy.
Take one day at a time. In the recent movie “Christopher Robin”, Winnie the Pooh says, “Yesterday, when it was tomorrow…it was too much day”. When I think about that simple phrase, it makes me smile, and reminds me to just breathe. And take. Things. Slowly. It is well regarded that good things come to those who wait. Life has taught me (over and over again) how and when “waiting” a.k.a. “patience” is a good idea.
You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. I’ve learned that you’re never too young, too old, too short, to shy, too anything to accomplish something that you’ve set your mind to do. My father-in-law would say, “If a man can do it, I am a man, and I can do it”. I love this attitude toward tackling a challenge, and try to remember it every time I face a difficulty. I have, more than once, willingly taken four children under the age of ten through Disney World…. trust me, anything is possible!
Teachers are the BEST PEOPLE. My teachers at Ballymaloe were among the most dedicated, hard working and talented individuals. My most sincere thanks to each and every one of them. Jeni, Annette, Gary, Evanna, Tiffen, Mamie, Debi, Justin, Pat, Florrie, Grace, Richard, Pam, Shermin, Sorcca, Tim, and Boonie, I can’t begin to measure what you all mean to me. I will carry your wisdom, your advice, your humor and your passion for amazing food with me always. To Rachel Allen, who tirelessly teaches students hands on and also runs daily multi hour demonstrations. There were sixty four of us students, and you remember everyone of our names, and sprinkle humor, love and skill into everything you do! To Darina Allen and Rory O’Connell, a debt of gratitude for creating an oasis where students can come learn and live, maintaining a standard of excellence, and teaching amazing culinary and life skills to your hungry students.
There’s no place like home. Truer words were spoken, never. Home is what makes everything make sense and feel right. My people are my everything.
Looking back, there were 12-hour days filled with learning, and a million and one tasks to accomplish during my time at Ballymaloe. There were also many quiet moments of self-discovery. Ample time to muck about in a full spectrum of emotions. I needed that, and feel blessed to have had enough solitude to reflect coupled with enough work to keep me actively moving forward. And now that I am stateside again, where do I go from here?
I am beside myself with excitement as I write these next words! My next adventure will come in March, as I travel to Berkeley, California for an internship at Chez Panisse. I have long since admired Alice Waters – for a decade at least - and I am honored to have the opportunity to work in her kitchen! Yes, it means that I will again leave my home, but for only a month this time. California is my home state with loads of family nearby, and so much closer to home than Ireland! Chez Panisse embodies the Slow Food Movement philosophy taught to me at Ballymaloe. My experience here will further solidify the skills I have learned during my three months at Ballymaloe, and will test my mettle in ways I have yet to imagine.
Most importantly, I am now HOME, happily soaking up my family while trying desperately to unpack and settle in by Christmas. It’s a rather daunting task to have been gone for so long and to re-enter life’s routine, especially at a time when there is no routine to be found for miles. This jet lagged, happy, and yet disoriented chef-in-the-making is making this recipe up on the fly, knowing that the end result will be nothing short of grand.
Merry Christmas to ye all ~ and Cheers to a Happy, Healthy New Year!
My Final Practical Exam Menu: Beef Filet with Béarnaise and Roasted Onions and Cherry Tomatoes, Watercress Soup, Salad, Freshly Churned Jersey Cream Butter and Sticky Toffee Pudding with Butterscotch Sauce and Freshly Whipped Jersey Cream
I must have spent hundreds of hours in this kitchen!
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
May the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
Until we meet again, Ballymaloe!